Dev's Vids


Monday, March 20, 2017

Dreaming with no support

Sometimes I have these weird, introspective moments where I question why I actually wanna rap; like, what is it that makes me wanna even keep trying to get my music noticed? Yesterday, I noticed something on Facebook that got my attention regarding music; Coast 2 Coast, the people who release those mix-tapes, advertised for performing for them. I guess the catch of it is, if you perform in your city, and win, that you go on to some kind of final event in Florida where the grand prize is a recording deal.

Let's look over the fact that I barely have any confidence in my craft, or how sick I got thinking of performing in front of people, or how inferior I felt thinking about competing with others for recognition, or how uncertain I felt of the quality of my own music after seeing this ad. Somehow, I fought my nausea and actually submitted 'M.H.S.L.' for review.

Fighting those conflicted feelings, I applied anyway. I proceeded to go to Twitter and Facebook in the hopes of having people vote for me. This was yesterday mind you. This is what it looks like as of 5 minutes ago:

A considerable amount of views, yeah. But those 2 votes you see lingering down there? Yeah, those are mine. Even though 3 separate people shared this on their timeline, I am the only one who voted.

This shit is low-key depressing and masochistic. Even when you fight your own fears and doubts, the next wave of issues stem from people really not giving so much of a fuck as to hit the vote button. It took me like 53 seconds. I don't know what is more alarming to me: the notion that nobody that I know really took the time to vote for me, or the fact that if anything DID happen as a result of my effort, I would be obligated to these people anyway, and if I didn't look out I would be labeled fake, or bougie, or w/e people would say.

In this train of thought, I realized something; this is probably EXACTLY what artists who make a name for themselves went through/are going through now. Nobody really rocked with them when they were dreaming, nobody really supported when they were trying/doing, and everyone came to them like they were owed something when they got a break of some sort. That shit is horrifying. I wish I could meet some more established artists, not even to fan out, but to ask legitimate questions regarding their response to some of the changes in their lives. I could only imagine the levels of loathing these artists have for people deep down.

I feel bad for laughing at the memes of artists now. I feel terrible for making a mockery of what they had to go through to be financially empowered and regarded for their talent. I understand why some don't go back to their communities, or give back to "the people", or anything of that nature. At the end of the day, they were dreaming with no support, so what did they get that would inspire them to give back? I dunno if I would feel obligated to do shit for people who ignored a simple request to vote for a song.

Sadder thing is, even if they voted, I would still have to PAY to PERFORM. Why am I doing this to myself?

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