Dev's Vids

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Monday, March 5, 2018

God is...



I've been doing allot of soul searching lately. I've mentioned before my condition and the events that led up today. I've been on my medication consistently, so the audio hallucinations have just about died out, my mind once again in tact.

The flip side is, once again, this odd hollowed-out feeling, and all these questions stuck in my head about God and the true nature of one's soul.

How can I any longer in good conscience believe one deity is superior to another's so much that I pick up arms to do them wrong? I can't.

How can I read the bible with the complete understanding that this was a pre-organized, manufactured and loosely connected group of texts put together by the Roman Catholic church? I won't.

How can I even look at Islam with any level of interest beyond community organization and outreach when Arabs enslaved African people as well? Impossible.

The more I read and learn, the more concerned I become over the notion of original religious indigenous to populaces are being driven away to believe in something not of their origin? It feels wrong.

Every generation of black people are almost systematically wired to make people believe we are in the end times. The bible is so open ended, any maniac with a gift for gab can construe the words meant to live by and use them as a tool for self gain and destruction. If the bible is capable of this, then any religion is. I'd rather just learn to love and accept people than declare war on them. I will not openly attack people's choice to believe in what they want, but at the same time, you can't yank me to the water and force me to drink either. God can judge me for not believing in the correct religion, because I refuse to trust people with what I have ownership of...my soul.

Authenticity



The eternal struggle question for niggas seems to be how real one may be/be perceived as. I am going to take the time to addresses certain things before anything comes to a head.

Previously I mentioned not wanting to be considered a street rapper; the reasoning is simple as fuck. I am not a street nigga. You know, life will pull this weird ass shit with people that don't belong in certain environments and force them to sink or swim...this is the closest to my scenario I can think of.

Poverty has always been a part of my life...I mean hell, I can remember a time when fetching river water and shitting in outhouses was a norm for me. But it wasn't until I had children that I raised with my personal time and affection did I see a change in myself.

For a while I wasn't working, and food stamps can't buy diapers...for your babies, any man would do what he would have to do. I am not proud, and regret many things...but when I see my sons smile and tell me how much they love me, it eases the pain of my mistakes. They make me smile, give me joy and meaning in a world that would give a fuck less if I died tomorrow.

So yes, I am a regular, somewhat decent nigga that found himself in some not so decent places in life, trying to etch out an existence for his family. I toe the line of professionalism when I step into an office to draw buildings I get grossly underpaid for, and toe the line of perceived realness when I am back in Northview...doing shit I probably shouldn't be doing.

Rap has been extremely therapeutic for me, and has allowed me to release some pent up tension, but I don't want people confusing my raps with how I aim to live my existence. Just because I did some shit doesn't make me this sense of real people are longing to be. There is way too many layers to my existence to be brushed off as some old street nigga.

Some raps of mine are gritty...but not one bit fraudulent. I've been living a very roller coaster-ish life of inconsistency and failures to match my small victories in the war called life.

T-shirt pics

I really like them...I don't own the pictures, but would rock t-shirts and hoodies with these kind of vibes.